The Context
One thing the corporate world taught me is that you need to review your performance to see if you are a good fit for the role that you are in. Unfortunately, we cannot resign from our role as an individual in this life because that would mean instant death. So I felt the need to do a performance review for myself, have a talk to myself in third person, and just listen to what I need to hear, but with a clear mind.
I believe this way, we'll be able to acknowledge our wins, understand our losses and plan for the next quarter accordingly. We'll have to put relevant measures in place to improve our performance if you are slacking (which I am), and you'll have to find ways to better yourself if you're doing alright (which I will be).
2020 has been rough and tough so far. Not just for me, but for the world given the current circumstances. But that should not stop us. Just because we're in our homes staying safe, does not mean that we are giving up being human. We keep saying 'life is cancelled' but it is not. Emotions aren't cancelled. Feelings aren't cancelled. Friendships aren't cancelled. Love isn't cancelled. Appreciation isn't cancelled. Kindness isn't cancelled.
So I really think that we should take some time out, reflect on what has gone down in the past 90 days both internally and externally. By that I mean, reflect on your internal feelings on how you are doing, and on the external factors that have caused you to feel a certain type of way. I've gone through waves of emotions and feelings, from pure joy to pure destruction and everything in between. I am not going to go into detail about my strengths, weaknesses, struggles and wins. It's a banter blog (or it was meant to be) so I hope you have your beverages with you and enjoy my weirdness.
lets begin..
The Invitation
Hello Sara,
I would like to express my personal gratitude for working with me in the past, and being able to achieve most of last years targets. I am sure there were valuable lessons learned from the mistakes that were made, however, we learn and improve through our mistakes.
This new year has brought us challenges and goals that cannot be achieved without a solid contribution from your side. Therefore, I would like to invite you into our first quarterly performance review on the 1st of April 2020, where we will go through your achievements, mistakes and steps forward.
I would like for you to note that you were unable to attend the meeting on the 1st of January 2020 due to feeling anxious about the new decade. I hope things are sorted now and that you are able to attend this one.
Please acknowledge the receipt of this email,
2020
The Reply
Hi 2020,
I still feel a quite overwhelmed, much more than before. I have realized that my problems were nothing compared to the ones that you are going through. I still kind of want to keep to myself and not engage with anyone. However, due to the current circumstances, I think it would be really nice to get out of the house and be a part of this reflective meeting.
See you in the balcony,
Sara Haseeb
The Meeting
Sara enters the balcony looking awfully tired and too exhausted. She shouldn't be feeling this way because she has been at home for the past couple of days, however, being in a situation where she is confronted, automatically mentally exhausts her. But Sara always shows up whether she likes it or not, so here we are...
So at the moment, your current responsibilities have been to just ensure that the day-to-day tasks do not get interrupted. For someone that's been in my company for 25 - well almost 26 years - I would expect you to know how to handle things fluently! I understand that times have been really tough and we face new challenges everyday. However, that does not mean that the day-to-day tasks are unattended.
I must say, it's really disappointing to see that you are not able to manage such a simple task. I don't really ask for too much. You just need to make sure that all your internal affairs are in order, you have been redirected to consultants to get professional assistance to set the internal affairs in place, but you are still incapable to do so? You also need you to ensure that all the external affairs are in order, I need you to ensure that everyones happy with your service, that there is no negative feedback going around, that we're not losing any valuable people. It's really not much to ask.
We only have one competitor in our market, and that is life. Life always finds way to ruin a good thing that we have going on. But it is our responsibility to ensure that we create a good environment for ourselves and are in control of all our feelings towards ourself and others (internal and external affairs). This way, when life drops a new bomb in the market, you are able to cope and proceed further without any excuses.
We monitor the performance of our employees through our company values. We want you to read them and ensure that you understand what is expected of you.
Accountability: always be accountable for your actions. You can also hold others accountable for their actions. You are not meant to sit around and let people walk all over you. And you are not meant to walk all over anyone else. If you mess up, you fess up. If someone else messes up, you break their heads.
Collaboration: find ways to surround yourself with others. Don't end up being an introvert just because life got in the way and got a little too hard. Collaborate with others. Go for coffee, have dinners, go to game nights. Live the life you want to live because you genuinely deserve happiness, but you'll only get it if you go looking for it.
Commitment: don't go back on your word. Commit to what you say. Make sure that you are not saying things you don't mean. But also make sure you don't fall for what others are saying because you don't know their mindset behind it. Also - be loyal baby. No matter how people are, no matter what people get away with. Choose to be loyal. Loyal to yourself, to your friends, to your family.
Integrity: question others when things aren't okay. Give them meaningful feedback if you need to. Who cares if someone says 'who does she think she is?'. Remember, you're valued, your opinions are valued. So if you see things not adding up, question it and speak up. Staying in silence won't get you anything.
Quality: provide outstanding service to others. AKA, make sure whoever walks into your life is always smiling - obv not always but make sure when you're around, you're able to make them smile. Add meaning to their lives, share valuable content (memes LOL) and lots of hugs and kisses because love makes the world go round and we want everyone to get as dizzy as us. Migraine-Gang-4Eva.
Lastly, I have noticed that you count yourself as a variable in this company, you don't think you are a constant. And that is probably why you are slacking so much and feeling really demotivated. You feel as though you are not worthy or valued enough, so you're constantly in search for something different. But, what more do you need? You are already in control of everything you do, you just don't know it yet. You are your own boss. I cannot decide for you, whether you are worthy or valuable. That is a decision that you need to take for yourself. Once you start knowing your own worth and you start valuing yourself, you will be in a position where you can start calling yourself a constant. You are here to stick around and you are here to make a difference. Embed that in your brain and lets create magic together.
The End
I will leave you with my final thought. I only have one take away from 2020 Q1 so far, and that is finding happiness within myself. My whole life, I have been wanting happiness or to be chosen so I can get that happiness, just as anyone does to be fair. But I search for happiness in things, in people, in friendships and so on. A good 25 years later, life and 2020 has taught me and at this point, embedded in me that I choose my happiness to be me. I have been forced to choose myself, but I'm pretty freaking great so no complaints there.
Basically, don't depend on others to move forward, you are your biggest cheerleader, your most important decision maker and your bestest friend. You can choose to take support from your loved ones, but doing it has got to be all you. Because one day, you might end up alone and all you'll have is you baby, so love yourself and spread kindness. Both you and the world need it right now <3
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Air hugs & kisses because social distancing,
Sara Haseeb
xo
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